Your response to the question regarding doubts of the existense of God was EVERYTHING I needed to hear. And so true about the harder I try to hold onto my faith, the less of a grasp I have on it. Thank you thank you thank you!
Beautiful read as always! On the part about nuance - firstly YES, this is exactly what I’ve been working through recently too. Secondly, Megan Phelps-Roper just released a fantastic podcast about this, which is well worth a listen. It’s called The Witch Trials of JK Rowling.
I got stuck on the quote "my faith is deeply embodied in my life, right?". That really unlocked something for me - that the way I behave is reflective of what I believe, and that my continual fight to take care of myself and build a good life even when it is so, so hard is reflective of faith, even if it's not what I've been taught "faith" looks like.
In response to the first question, I’ve had success with using a friendship app called Hey Vina (similar concept to dating apps but for friendship). I was in a lonely spot last fall, so I gave it a try, and met the dearest like-minded friend who lives about 20 minutes from me. I know there’s also a similar version of Bumble called Bumble BFF, and an app called Meetup that posts local events you can connect with people at. I know that where you live may vary your success on these apps, but I’ve found them to be helpful, and find that lots of people don’t know about them!
'I believe in love, in goodness, in beauty, in justice, no matter what we call it, and so there is a lot of room for not-knowing still. I’ve grown away from needing immediate answers in the moment, sometimes the holiest thing we can do is simply say, “I don’t know” and let that be enough for a while.' So good, Sarah.
The bit about disagreeing is interesting. I saw the resources you listed in your footnotes. They sound great, but I struggle because when the conflict is with an unreasonable person, you might as well save your breath to cool your porridge (to quote Lydia in one of the P&P adaptations) In my family at the moment we have a situation where our parents have taken a position and backed a person and all of us grown kids are united in believing that they have made the wrong choice. We are all aware that they have a right to their choice, but we have a right to keep ourselves separate from that choice. It does affect family time, so it is weird. But we can't do conflict in our family. It's not the healthiest, but when you have one parent who will do anything for peace and another who absolutely can't have a healthy disagreement, you learn to leave things alone and just vent amongst yourselves. Being a parent may be hard. Being a grown-up child of certain parents is hard, too. Are we doing it right? No idea. Is is working? Kind of? Or like not really but we're used to it at this point. It helps that all the kids are on the same page. But I'm glad we don't live in a time where the unmarried daughters were expected to live at home forever.
“For instance, when we stop believing in a punitive judgemental and angry God? if that’s the only version of God we have in our minds, we think we’ve stopped believing in God altogether but really that was a version of God we were given and of course we don’t believe that anymore. That wasn’t God to begin with, you know?”
I said “YES!” out loud when I read this! I’ve realized that when I hear or read “God”, I automatically assume the Christian God—because that’s the God I was taught is the only one who exists and thus is the only one relevant to such questions as “does God exist?” I’m in a place where I’m wrestling with the version of God I’ve held to my whole life (punitive, judgement, etc), and I think this version of God will die for me before the process is over, which is a scary, liminal place to be in (yet also some who exciting?). Those couple sentences really capture the emotions of the process as well as the bigger picture of what’s happening—thank you, Sarah!
I also wanted to add: Another description I heard is, “My God is dead.” Not Nietzsche’s philosophical statement of “God is dead”, but “MY God is dead”—the version of God I believed in, trusted in, thought to exist is now dead. The finality, grief, and even fear in that statement really struck me, and I wanted to share since it adds more language for the process of reconsidering who God is.
This post is wonderful. Reading your answer to “how do you get it all done” is perfect. I’m asked that often and similarly don’t feel I am even close to doing so much. My oven is also a testament to that.
I wasn’t sure I was up for a read this afternoon but I am glad I did. I raised my daughter on Shania Twain feminism- belted out w/ windows down or up. I’m taking my husband to a Chicks concert this summer. I find myself reeling in the divisions in my denomination- it’s been coming for a long time. But now- when a church I pastored and love has signed on the other side of the “line” it hurts so much more than I expected. Loving will always be loving but goodness it’s hard. Thank you Sarah.
Your response to the question regarding doubts of the existense of God was EVERYTHING I needed to hear. And so true about the harder I try to hold onto my faith, the less of a grasp I have on it. Thank you thank you thank you!
Beautiful read as always! On the part about nuance - firstly YES, this is exactly what I’ve been working through recently too. Secondly, Megan Phelps-Roper just released a fantastic podcast about this, which is well worth a listen. It’s called The Witch Trials of JK Rowling.
The question about doubt was mine - thanks for answering it, Sarah. You had me crying in my office!
I got stuck on the quote "my faith is deeply embodied in my life, right?". That really unlocked something for me - that the way I behave is reflective of what I believe, and that my continual fight to take care of myself and build a good life even when it is so, so hard is reflective of faith, even if it's not what I've been taught "faith" looks like.
In response to the first question, I’ve had success with using a friendship app called Hey Vina (similar concept to dating apps but for friendship). I was in a lonely spot last fall, so I gave it a try, and met the dearest like-minded friend who lives about 20 minutes from me. I know there’s also a similar version of Bumble called Bumble BFF, and an app called Meetup that posts local events you can connect with people at. I know that where you live may vary your success on these apps, but I’ve found them to be helpful, and find that lots of people don’t know about them!
So many juicy answers to the questions! Keep on rocking and showing us the way...we all have messy ovens too!
'I believe in love, in goodness, in beauty, in justice, no matter what we call it, and so there is a lot of room for not-knowing still. I’ve grown away from needing immediate answers in the moment, sometimes the holiest thing we can do is simply say, “I don’t know” and let that be enough for a while.' So good, Sarah.
The bit about disagreeing is interesting. I saw the resources you listed in your footnotes. They sound great, but I struggle because when the conflict is with an unreasonable person, you might as well save your breath to cool your porridge (to quote Lydia in one of the P&P adaptations) In my family at the moment we have a situation where our parents have taken a position and backed a person and all of us grown kids are united in believing that they have made the wrong choice. We are all aware that they have a right to their choice, but we have a right to keep ourselves separate from that choice. It does affect family time, so it is weird. But we can't do conflict in our family. It's not the healthiest, but when you have one parent who will do anything for peace and another who absolutely can't have a healthy disagreement, you learn to leave things alone and just vent amongst yourselves. Being a parent may be hard. Being a grown-up child of certain parents is hard, too. Are we doing it right? No idea. Is is working? Kind of? Or like not really but we're used to it at this point. It helps that all the kids are on the same page. But I'm glad we don't live in a time where the unmarried daughters were expected to live at home forever.
“For instance, when we stop believing in a punitive judgemental and angry God? if that’s the only version of God we have in our minds, we think we’ve stopped believing in God altogether but really that was a version of God we were given and of course we don’t believe that anymore. That wasn’t God to begin with, you know?”
I said “YES!” out loud when I read this! I’ve realized that when I hear or read “God”, I automatically assume the Christian God—because that’s the God I was taught is the only one who exists and thus is the only one relevant to such questions as “does God exist?” I’m in a place where I’m wrestling with the version of God I’ve held to my whole life (punitive, judgement, etc), and I think this version of God will die for me before the process is over, which is a scary, liminal place to be in (yet also some who exciting?). Those couple sentences really capture the emotions of the process as well as the bigger picture of what’s happening—thank you, Sarah!
I also wanted to add: Another description I heard is, “My God is dead.” Not Nietzsche’s philosophical statement of “God is dead”, but “MY God is dead”—the version of God I believed in, trusted in, thought to exist is now dead. The finality, grief, and even fear in that statement really struck me, and I wanted to share since it adds more language for the process of reconsidering who God is.
“Relentless nuance” is a beautiful way of phrasing it. I’m feeling the same feelings with social media these days, too. It’s a LOT.
This post is wonderful. Reading your answer to “how do you get it all done” is perfect. I’m asked that often and similarly don’t feel I am even close to doing so much. My oven is also a testament to that.
Sarah, Nicely done. D
So much goodness!! “God is usually hiding in plain sight in our right-now life and I’ve not found Love to be withholding from us.” Love 💕
I wasn’t sure I was up for a read this afternoon but I am glad I did. I raised my daughter on Shania Twain feminism- belted out w/ windows down or up. I’m taking my husband to a Chicks concert this summer. I find myself reeling in the divisions in my denomination- it’s been coming for a long time. But now- when a church I pastored and love has signed on the other side of the “line” it hurts so much more than I expected. Loving will always be loving but goodness it’s hard. Thank you Sarah.
Bravo to this line you penned ...”Trying to change people’s minds or convince them of my convictions isn’t the best use of my time and energy.”