An Update: Penny in the Air
An Update: Penny in the Air
Because people should never be the collateral damage of your theology
Hi friends,
More than five years ago, I published a long-form essay about becoming LGBTQ+ affirming called ‘Penny in the Air,’ which it remains one of my most-read/requested/responded-to/raged-about essays. This week, I wanted to share it with you, not only because it’s Pride Month and we have a lot of new subscribers around here since then, but to also share a lovely update to the original post as well. It’s pretty rare that we get to circle back with folks and hear about how their process unfolded, I know, so I hope The Follow Up at the end here offers you as much hope as it did to me.
Pride is so important for our beloved LGBTQ+ siblings who deserve to celebrate the truth that they are fearfully and wonderfully made, just as they are. Pride saves lives. And Pride Month is about celebrating survival and resilience - while knowing it’s not right that anyone should ever have to be that resilient - alongside joy and history and goodness. This is a small way of coming alongside that work.
Now, a few years back when I spoke at an LGBTQ+ church event, the organizers candidly acknowledged that I was there as “bait for the straights” (lol), by which they meant that I was there to serve as a bridge of sorts, in hopes that non-LGBTQ+ hearts which were present would be more open to becoming affirming allies as well because they likely trusted me in some way. And so that’s kind of the deal for today, too.
So before we jump in, I want to say that if you yourself are LGBTQ+ reader here: this essay was primarily directed at my fellow straight cis-gender people who are looking to re-evaluate their own beliefs and convictions, so feel free to skip over anything that is painful, a harmful reminder, or triggering here - or even actually, just skip the whole thing.
While I have you here though, I want to remind you, dear one: you are beloved by God. Full stop. When a church or a person who claims God rejects you, it does not mean that God has rejected you. You are made in the image of God. I’m sorry Church as a whole can be such a mess and that any progress feels slow and painful and imperfect. People should never be collateral damage of theology. I’m sorry for the ways that we failed you, both personally and ecclesiastically. Our family is one of a growing number who love you and affirm you and celebrate you; we have learned so much about goodness, faithfulness, patience, forgiveness, peace-making, love, and joy from you. And I love following Jesus alongside of you. There is still so much hope. And I’m grateful to be at your side as your sister in Christ, this month and every month.
Love S.
Penny in the Air
Dear Sarah,
I don’t know how to begin this, and I’m afraid I’ll end up writing you a whole long letter. I guess the shortest summary of this is that I am feeling so torn and sick at heart about questions of LGBTQ+ inclusion in the church, and I don’t know what to do.
There is a part of me that wants to throw open my arms and embrace LGBTQ+ people into the church, fully and unconditionally (while still holding to more traditional sexual ethic about sex in marital context). And yet another part of me is incredibly hesitant and is much more comfortable arguing for celibacy, asking that other half of me if I’m being “conformed to the world,” rather than holding to the Gospel. I wonder if I am terribly blinded by deep-seated, centuries-old biases.
Then I question whether I am falling prey to “worldly” impulses and only trying to make Christianity more defensible in modern culture. I have prayed that I might discern. I have prayed that I might be freed from my troubled state and be freed from this burden I constantly grapple with. I have read essay after essay written by those advocating for LGBTQ+ Christians, trying to sway myself one way or the other, and I am still so, so stuck on the fence.
I have seen leaders and preachers like you, Jen Hatmaker, and Rachel Held Evans move to declare that love is love. And I admire you all so much. You have been incredibly influential in shaping (and, in some ways, saving) my faith, more than you will probably ever know, and in pointing me to the love of Christ. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are rooted in that love and that therefore your call for LGBTQ+ inclusion is also rooted in that same love. I know that this is not you abandoning the faith or abandoning Jesus, no matter what some critics might argue.
I suppose my question is this–how did you move to become LGBTQ+ affirming, and what did that journey look like for you?
From N. from Rhode Island
Dearest N.,
Thank you for your sincere and earnest question. You aren’t alone and I’m so glad that you’re wrestling with this. The past few years, my inbox is overflowing with variations of the same question from so many people, particularly church leaders, all over the world. Your tenderness and care is obvious. And so I’m going to do something a bit different with my answer – take my time here without being prescriptive.1 (This is my code for “get yourself a cuppa tea, this is going to take a minute.”) One thing I’ve realized about this journey is that you can’t hand someone seven steps to a faith shift or change in theology – any aspect of our evolving faith is deeply personal. Thoughtful questions deserve thoughtful answers.
So this isn’t click bait or memeable. It certainly isn’t 8 Steps to Anything. I can only tell you my story there and hope that there will be something here to encourage or strengthen or instruct you as you continue to journey with Jesus in these questions.