Sobriety is an interesting one - my mother had issues with drinking as a result of toxic churches and family. Once she began dealing with them, she led a drinking and sobriety group offered by her employer (she was an RN at the time), so I got to see a fairly wide range of people trying to become sober, including a couple of old-time cowboys whose heydays were probably in the 30's or 40's.
One of them, Slim Dursman, made the choice to go sober after his wife put down her foot and told him it was her or his habit. For years after that, you could not get Slim to talk about anything other than "that saving, sanctifying power" (his faith). I tried, so I know.
A few things occur to me on the subject that aren't strictly chemical - 1) the writer Maggie Estep once described herself as "an emotional idiot," meaning that she was functioning in a state of ignorance as she went through her life learning and failing and relearning how to treat people. 2) along with that, I've always remembered the verse from Romans (ch. 12, v. 3) which says, "...do not think too highly of yourself, but form a sober estimate based on the measure of faith that God has dealt to each of you." I've met people who were not emotionally or psychologically sober. My martial arts school seemed to attract people who were looking for a lifeline back to the life they thought they had before they messed it up with drugs, or bad behavior, or both. The only problem with going at sobriety as an external matter as I saw it was that the people trying to get there were not dealing with any of the issues that made them fall off the emotional/psychological wagon in the first place and, in one very notable example, they didn't want to. You said it yourself: "It turns out you can't heal when you're committed to numbing the pain." Like any addict who did not want to truly be sober, this person ended up causing a lot of grief and strife in our school, so I left it after managing to get him kicked out of it.
I'm rambling a bit/perhaps a lot but you also mentioned the network of lies and false assumptions that surround people who are trying to live sober lives, and those things are there just as much for the teetotaler as much as for the confirmed drinker/user, I think. What we need more than anything else is a foundation, a sure footing that's grounded in love and compassion, which is the only way to build or rebuild a psyche. The rest is a matter of relative moral courage in the sense that you have to be willing to do the work and try again once you fail. The thing about sobriety that's daunting is that it's a lonely business - it's just you and yourself and the continual struggle to choose something other than not feeling anything painful, or to try and fill in your gaps with things from outside of you, which is like building a structure with a kind of papier-mache.
I deeply appreciate your openness about this topic. I have been sober for 4 lonely years. I don’t feel like I fit anywhere.
Having spent 20 years in an evangelical community, I didn’t have the rock bottom experience that most people describe. Yes I went to treatment (it was traumatic.) I did severe damage to my body and my mental health. But on the outside, I didn’t lose much. By some miracle, I didn’t lose my job, I didn’t lose my home, I didn’t leave a path of destruction behind me, I didnt steel or cheat the people I love, I wasn’t promiscuous. I was a good Christian girl who desperately needed to numb untreated trauma, and that’s exactly what I did.
The recovery community focuses so much on cleaning up the “wreckage of your past” and experiencing the life giving beauty of sobriety and all the blessings it brings. But my past wasn’t wrecked (at least not by me) and sobriety meant finally allowing myself to feel decades of trauma and pain and beginning the intense work of dealing with PTSD. It was brutal.
The recovery communities I attended promote the steps as the only solution. These steps comes with a large dose of tough love. This was all very triggering to me. I feel like I’ve been living in the in between of someone with a bottom too high for the recovery community, but too low for the intentional sobriety/sober curious community. I’ve metaphorically experienced the Friday, I’ve been told that Sunday is coming, but I feel stuck in a Saturday world when it comes to sobriety.
I have been a modest social drinker for most of my adult life (I’m in my 70s), but a number of my family members have struggled with alcoholism and are now several years sober. Out of respect and solidarity, I chose abstinence as a way of life. I’ve been amazed at the number of people who appreciate having a nondrinker to hang out with at parties, and my insistence on having a selection of decent non-alcohol beverage choices. Awareness, acknowledgment, and respect are empowering!
I can't drink because of the meds and health conditions (though I'll make a very rare exception for a toast at an event or just a taste), but in the past I've had a happy hour drink every few months or so. Never could handle much, and didn't really enjoy it as much as nonalcoholic smoothies and slushies and fruit drinks, so I haven't "quit" so much as just not been physically adapted to starting in the first place. That said, it has been pretty hard to spend the last decade+ as a new childfree unpartnered queer person in town who is also mostly a nondrinker and goes to bed at 10:30. lol Could we do karaoke and drag shows and dancing at, like, 7 pm instead? With iced tea and cookies instead of cocktails and vapes? lol
Seriously, though, I do look to my Methodist foremothers in their fight against patriarchy, domestic violence, and neglect by way of teetotalism and how that legacy has made a home for recovery groups in our churches (also see: why Methodist churches still today are the most loyal customers of Welch's grape juice when it comes to communion haha). I take that heritage seriously and want us to remember and continue to make our churches and organizations and homes the most inclusive and welcoming they can be. Erin's tweets and posts have been really validating in that as well.
It's a really nuanced line to walk where we don't become like fundies looking down our noses at people who drink as "sinners" while also having this knowledge of how bad it is socially and biologically and for human flourishing overall and how capitalism twists our self-concepts to make us feel dependent or in need of it... Trying to present a vision that liberates from legalistic dos and don'ts, and also liberates from the alcohol industrial/social complex.
This strikes a chord with me, as I grew up Methodist. In my rural town of 500 there were 5 Protestant (not Lutheran) churches. I think I was first drawn to alcohol in direct rebellion to the overt judging, and honestly, total lack of fun. Including the Baptists who also equated dancing to having sex. Ugh. I’m 51 and thinking about it still gives me the creeps. And I was a never miss a Sunday, singing specials and playing the piano girl. I just didn’t want to be like THEM. Stifling. Holier than Thou. I’m still figuring it out for me. The shame followed by anger still lingers.
Yeah, I think the Why matters most. We often lose the motive (not drinking because of the social and medical downsides and to expand inclusivity) into its very opposite of shame and exclusion and judgment. Terrible. And of course, vice versa, drinking because we want to avoid the exclusion and shame from the drinking culture around us thinking we're boring or antisocial if we don't. It's a lose-lose when shame is the motivator in either direction.
I also quit because it was just making me feel so bad. My biggest worry was social events with strangers, but after a few sober parties, I remembered how to talk to other people again. What else was alcohol pretending to "give" me but actually stealing from me?!
I haven’t ever had a problem with alcohol but I would say that your description in the last paragraph describes my relationship with sugar to a T and I really wish there was a book about quitting sugar that has the vibe of these books mentioned. It seems they are always very diet-y and that isn’t really what I need. If you have come across a quit-lit for sugar (which I assume works much like alcohol in the body anyway) that has more of a wholistic/spiritual angle I would love to hear about it.
Your article had a big impact on me. I don’t remember when I read it, but with three pregnancies and babies and breastfeeding, I was very on again off again with alcohol for a few years. In 2020, we moved to a new town, I was unemployed, and my new mom friends fully embraced the wine o’clock lifestyle and I started drinking more often. Around that time, I read Holly Whittaker’s book and that finally gave me both the science and the vocabulary to see how destructive alcohol was in my life. So I quit with one of my mom friends and became “lame” to the other one. But I started slowly drinking again. Then, last fall, after an evening of drinking with a friend, I got up the next morning and was out with her and our kids and I decided to show off a cool skateboarding trick. I broke my wrist and knew that was the end of alcohol for me. I have not had a drink since and probably never will. My life is too hard right now and the last thing I need is something that will make it harder. I never forgot your article and when I feel like I am the only person who doesn’t drink, I think of you and Glennon and Abby and know that I am in good company. So, thanks for speaking openly about this!
Thanks all for sharing your stories and experiences with alcohol. It’s been perspective-expanding for me to read them. My journey with alcohol has been so different that it’s helpful to gain this insight into cultural norms that I feel fairly removed from, if for no other reason than to increase my support for those of you choosing sobriety. In my early 20s I would occasionally have a drink in social settings, but was a major lightweight and so it was never enjoyable to have more than one. But then over the past few years, I’ve developed 3 medical conditions that are exacerbated by alcohol, and so I’ve just stopped drinking entirely. I think because drinking was never a large part of my social life, it hasn’t really felt like a loss to me. But the piece I find especially interesting is what Sarah was saying about not drinking often forcing us to face our trauma and wounds head on. I had a conversation with my parents last summer about my frustration that it felt like everyone else was just able to live their lives, and wasn’t constantly forced by their body and mind to do the grueling work of healing. My Dad pointed out that a lot of people who appear to be carefree are often engaging in unhealthy coping mechanisms (like alcohol can be). I also remember a conversation I had with an urgent care doctor who told me that my body (who often acts like a canary in a coal mine) was often protecting me from things that were actually pretty bad for all humans. I appreciate what Carlita said above about being grateful to not have to struggle to give up alcohol, and about her ancestors giving it up because their bodies couldn’t handle it, not because they were extra holy. That resonates. I’m not better than anyone else for not having to struggle with alcohol. But also, I often feel like I lost the genetic lottery (something I’m still wrestling through), but here is maybe something to be grateful for about how my body moves through the world. Lots to ponder here for sure, and I’m cheering on those of you who have chosen/are choosing to face the inner demons that come with letting go of something that helps you numb the pain.
Actually, this statement bothered me. Is the root to everything and anything not working out in our lives because of patriarchy and racism? The capitalistic/marketing part of this I get (Ann Howlett?Johnson's book called Drink does a great job explaining this especially around working hard to appeal to getting women to drink equally as much as men), which the Naked Mind also covers well. So I am curious about how to understand those other parts of the statement. (This may expose my lack of understanding in ways I don't understand, so bear with me :)
I found some support in Breathing Under Water: Spirituality and the Twelve Steps by Richard Rohr. I agree it is most important for each of us to understand our journey may not look like any other. That's ok. It's normal. Cookie cutter lives would be boring. I thank you for initially bringing up this topic and continuing to address it. It can feel very lonely to choose sobriety regardless of the reason. Thank you for making the subject a little less taboo.
I'm so sorry if this comes off as an insensitive question (certainly not my intention). Do you think any of these books would be helpful for people who struggle with food addiction? Your descriptions of these books resonated with me, but not from an alcohol perspective; rather a food perspective. (I'm sure there are books geared for food specifically but I haven't had any recs and felt compelled to ask here.)
Alcohol was never an issue, good or bad, for me, but I completely avoided it when undergoing fertility treatment 30+ years ago and was never compelled to start again. There are so many good reasons not to drink - heath, behavior control, etc. When my son realized he was an alcoholic in his late teens, I became acutely aware of how steeped in our culture alcohol use is. He chose sobriety at 24, and I am so proud of him but I also know that he will forever be vulnerable to societal pressure. You can’t watch a sporting event or go to a music festival without alcohol promotion at every turn. He is fortunate to have a few friends who support his sobriety even though they still drink, but it’s tough to be a sober young adult in our culture and participate in normal activities. Even many pastors cozy up to their congregations by promoting “having a beer” or “meeting up at the local bar.” They are so cool.
I do place a lot of blame on the alcohol industry whose glorified ad campaigns make it seem like drinking is the key to a successful social life and having a good time. Denying them a bit of their profits is enough to keep me from drinking. It is hard to not be resentful.
I appreciate your opening the conversation. All efforts to normalize sobriety can only serve to improve mental health and to make the world a kinder place.
So many thoughts. So much gratitude. For your honesty and shining the light on a really messed up business/ culture. I fully embraced the Mommy Loves Wine culture until I realized just how unhealthy and opposite-of-liberating it was. I did dry January in 2019 and never looked back. So now I’m acutely aware of how much representation alcohol gets- EVERYWHERE- very much including progressive Christian books. It’s truly disheartening. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So much more going through my head right now but I’ll stop here.
Have you encountered Susie Middleton's writing? She's on Substack as sixburnersue (https://susiemiddleton.substack.com/). I started following her because she lives on Martha's Vineyard and is friends with some of my friends there, and she's a gifted gardener, chef, and cookbook author. AND she's working through her sobriety journey right out there in front of the whole world. I really, really like her work.
I’ve had this Field Note saved in my email so that I could respond…and I’m just now mustering up the courage. I am a wife and a mother in my late 30s answering a call on my life. I know that God is moving me towards ministry, but not specifically sure in what way. It’s been in a “one step at a time” way of revealing it to me. I’ve tried to talk Him out of that strategy, but no such luck. Anyway, sobriety is not my battle. It’s my husbands. Fifteen years ago when we got married we both lived a lifestyle that revolved around alcohol. While it’s changed over the years in its intensity and intention, it still holds a commanding presence in our lives. I know that God is moving me forward, and I truly believe that in order for that to happen something has to give. Is it possible to simultaneously trust God and yet still feel so scared of how much it might cost? I am CONSTANTLY telling myself that my feelings are NOT my truth. My truth is Jesus. Just Jesus. I don’t know how much my comment could add to your research; but in my meager searching I haven’t found a lot of resources for situations like mine. My alcoholic husband isn’t abusive or mean. He’s just selfish. I have zero problem choosing not to drink. I am just constantly in situations I would have never chosen on my own, or around people I used to have things in common with, but don’t anymore. It’s knowing that I am the one that changed in our relationship, and to him I’m a lot less fun than I used to be. It’s being deeply involved in our church for the past 8 years, and barely getting him there on Sunday mornings. It’s being called and on fire, excited about digging into the Bible, learning theology and absolutely devouring all the books I can; yet, receiving little to no support or encouragement. It’s knowing that God is leading me somewhere that I’m not sure he will willingly go.
I’m fully aware that we could desperately use some marital counseling, and it’s definitely in our future; but I wanted to share in hopes that it could add to your research and perspectives.
Sobriety is an interesting one - my mother had issues with drinking as a result of toxic churches and family. Once she began dealing with them, she led a drinking and sobriety group offered by her employer (she was an RN at the time), so I got to see a fairly wide range of people trying to become sober, including a couple of old-time cowboys whose heydays were probably in the 30's or 40's.
One of them, Slim Dursman, made the choice to go sober after his wife put down her foot and told him it was her or his habit. For years after that, you could not get Slim to talk about anything other than "that saving, sanctifying power" (his faith). I tried, so I know.
A few things occur to me on the subject that aren't strictly chemical - 1) the writer Maggie Estep once described herself as "an emotional idiot," meaning that she was functioning in a state of ignorance as she went through her life learning and failing and relearning how to treat people. 2) along with that, I've always remembered the verse from Romans (ch. 12, v. 3) which says, "...do not think too highly of yourself, but form a sober estimate based on the measure of faith that God has dealt to each of you." I've met people who were not emotionally or psychologically sober. My martial arts school seemed to attract people who were looking for a lifeline back to the life they thought they had before they messed it up with drugs, or bad behavior, or both. The only problem with going at sobriety as an external matter as I saw it was that the people trying to get there were not dealing with any of the issues that made them fall off the emotional/psychological wagon in the first place and, in one very notable example, they didn't want to. You said it yourself: "It turns out you can't heal when you're committed to numbing the pain." Like any addict who did not want to truly be sober, this person ended up causing a lot of grief and strife in our school, so I left it after managing to get him kicked out of it.
I'm rambling a bit/perhaps a lot but you also mentioned the network of lies and false assumptions that surround people who are trying to live sober lives, and those things are there just as much for the teetotaler as much as for the confirmed drinker/user, I think. What we need more than anything else is a foundation, a sure footing that's grounded in love and compassion, which is the only way to build or rebuild a psyche. The rest is a matter of relative moral courage in the sense that you have to be willing to do the work and try again once you fail. The thing about sobriety that's daunting is that it's a lonely business - it's just you and yourself and the continual struggle to choose something other than not feeling anything painful, or to try and fill in your gaps with things from outside of you, which is like building a structure with a kind of papier-mache.
None of this may make any sense, I don't know.
I deeply appreciate your openness about this topic. I have been sober for 4 lonely years. I don’t feel like I fit anywhere.
Having spent 20 years in an evangelical community, I didn’t have the rock bottom experience that most people describe. Yes I went to treatment (it was traumatic.) I did severe damage to my body and my mental health. But on the outside, I didn’t lose much. By some miracle, I didn’t lose my job, I didn’t lose my home, I didn’t leave a path of destruction behind me, I didnt steel or cheat the people I love, I wasn’t promiscuous. I was a good Christian girl who desperately needed to numb untreated trauma, and that’s exactly what I did.
The recovery community focuses so much on cleaning up the “wreckage of your past” and experiencing the life giving beauty of sobriety and all the blessings it brings. But my past wasn’t wrecked (at least not by me) and sobriety meant finally allowing myself to feel decades of trauma and pain and beginning the intense work of dealing with PTSD. It was brutal.
The recovery communities I attended promote the steps as the only solution. These steps comes with a large dose of tough love. This was all very triggering to me. I feel like I’ve been living in the in between of someone with a bottom too high for the recovery community, but too low for the intentional sobriety/sober curious community. I’ve metaphorically experienced the Friday, I’ve been told that Sunday is coming, but I feel stuck in a Saturday world when it comes to sobriety.
I have been a modest social drinker for most of my adult life (I’m in my 70s), but a number of my family members have struggled with alcoholism and are now several years sober. Out of respect and solidarity, I chose abstinence as a way of life. I’ve been amazed at the number of people who appreciate having a nondrinker to hang out with at parties, and my insistence on having a selection of decent non-alcohol beverage choices. Awareness, acknowledgment, and respect are empowering!
I can't drink because of the meds and health conditions (though I'll make a very rare exception for a toast at an event or just a taste), but in the past I've had a happy hour drink every few months or so. Never could handle much, and didn't really enjoy it as much as nonalcoholic smoothies and slushies and fruit drinks, so I haven't "quit" so much as just not been physically adapted to starting in the first place. That said, it has been pretty hard to spend the last decade+ as a new childfree unpartnered queer person in town who is also mostly a nondrinker and goes to bed at 10:30. lol Could we do karaoke and drag shows and dancing at, like, 7 pm instead? With iced tea and cookies instead of cocktails and vapes? lol
Seriously, though, I do look to my Methodist foremothers in their fight against patriarchy, domestic violence, and neglect by way of teetotalism and how that legacy has made a home for recovery groups in our churches (also see: why Methodist churches still today are the most loyal customers of Welch's grape juice when it comes to communion haha). I take that heritage seriously and want us to remember and continue to make our churches and organizations and homes the most inclusive and welcoming they can be. Erin's tweets and posts have been really validating in that as well.
It's a really nuanced line to walk where we don't become like fundies looking down our noses at people who drink as "sinners" while also having this knowledge of how bad it is socially and biologically and for human flourishing overall and how capitalism twists our self-concepts to make us feel dependent or in need of it... Trying to present a vision that liberates from legalistic dos and don'ts, and also liberates from the alcohol industrial/social complex.
This strikes a chord with me, as I grew up Methodist. In my rural town of 500 there were 5 Protestant (not Lutheran) churches. I think I was first drawn to alcohol in direct rebellion to the overt judging, and honestly, total lack of fun. Including the Baptists who also equated dancing to having sex. Ugh. I’m 51 and thinking about it still gives me the creeps. And I was a never miss a Sunday, singing specials and playing the piano girl. I just didn’t want to be like THEM. Stifling. Holier than Thou. I’m still figuring it out for me. The shame followed by anger still lingers.
Yeah, I think the Why matters most. We often lose the motive (not drinking because of the social and medical downsides and to expand inclusivity) into its very opposite of shame and exclusion and judgment. Terrible. And of course, vice versa, drinking because we want to avoid the exclusion and shame from the drinking culture around us thinking we're boring or antisocial if we don't. It's a lose-lose when shame is the motivator in either direction.
I also quit because it was just making me feel so bad. My biggest worry was social events with strangers, but after a few sober parties, I remembered how to talk to other people again. What else was alcohol pretending to "give" me but actually stealing from me?!
I haven’t ever had a problem with alcohol but I would say that your description in the last paragraph describes my relationship with sugar to a T and I really wish there was a book about quitting sugar that has the vibe of these books mentioned. It seems they are always very diet-y and that isn’t really what I need. If you have come across a quit-lit for sugar (which I assume works much like alcohol in the body anyway) that has more of a wholistic/spiritual angle I would love to hear about it.
Your article had a big impact on me. I don’t remember when I read it, but with three pregnancies and babies and breastfeeding, I was very on again off again with alcohol for a few years. In 2020, we moved to a new town, I was unemployed, and my new mom friends fully embraced the wine o’clock lifestyle and I started drinking more often. Around that time, I read Holly Whittaker’s book and that finally gave me both the science and the vocabulary to see how destructive alcohol was in my life. So I quit with one of my mom friends and became “lame” to the other one. But I started slowly drinking again. Then, last fall, after an evening of drinking with a friend, I got up the next morning and was out with her and our kids and I decided to show off a cool skateboarding trick. I broke my wrist and knew that was the end of alcohol for me. I have not had a drink since and probably never will. My life is too hard right now and the last thing I need is something that will make it harder. I never forgot your article and when I feel like I am the only person who doesn’t drink, I think of you and Glennon and Abby and know that I am in good company. So, thanks for speaking openly about this!
Thanks all for sharing your stories and experiences with alcohol. It’s been perspective-expanding for me to read them. My journey with alcohol has been so different that it’s helpful to gain this insight into cultural norms that I feel fairly removed from, if for no other reason than to increase my support for those of you choosing sobriety. In my early 20s I would occasionally have a drink in social settings, but was a major lightweight and so it was never enjoyable to have more than one. But then over the past few years, I’ve developed 3 medical conditions that are exacerbated by alcohol, and so I’ve just stopped drinking entirely. I think because drinking was never a large part of my social life, it hasn’t really felt like a loss to me. But the piece I find especially interesting is what Sarah was saying about not drinking often forcing us to face our trauma and wounds head on. I had a conversation with my parents last summer about my frustration that it felt like everyone else was just able to live their lives, and wasn’t constantly forced by their body and mind to do the grueling work of healing. My Dad pointed out that a lot of people who appear to be carefree are often engaging in unhealthy coping mechanisms (like alcohol can be). I also remember a conversation I had with an urgent care doctor who told me that my body (who often acts like a canary in a coal mine) was often protecting me from things that were actually pretty bad for all humans. I appreciate what Carlita said above about being grateful to not have to struggle to give up alcohol, and about her ancestors giving it up because their bodies couldn’t handle it, not because they were extra holy. That resonates. I’m not better than anyone else for not having to struggle with alcohol. But also, I often feel like I lost the genetic lottery (something I’m still wrestling through), but here is maybe something to be grateful for about how my body moves through the world. Lots to ponder here for sure, and I’m cheering on those of you who have chosen/are choosing to face the inner demons that come with letting go of something that helps you numb the pain.
This statement caught my attention, do you plan to expand on this in the article?
“I began to realise alcohol was basically a patriarchal/capitalistic/racist/nonsense scam with epic marketing schemes altogether.“
Actually, this statement bothered me. Is the root to everything and anything not working out in our lives because of patriarchy and racism? The capitalistic/marketing part of this I get (Ann Howlett?Johnson's book called Drink does a great job explaining this especially around working hard to appeal to getting women to drink equally as much as men), which the Naked Mind also covers well. So I am curious about how to understand those other parts of the statement. (This may expose my lack of understanding in ways I don't understand, so bear with me :)
I found some support in Breathing Under Water: Spirituality and the Twelve Steps by Richard Rohr. I agree it is most important for each of us to understand our journey may not look like any other. That's ok. It's normal. Cookie cutter lives would be boring. I thank you for initially bringing up this topic and continuing to address it. It can feel very lonely to choose sobriety regardless of the reason. Thank you for making the subject a little less taboo.
That book really resonated with me.
That book is amazing. Truth in a kind way.
I'm so sorry if this comes off as an insensitive question (certainly not my intention). Do you think any of these books would be helpful for people who struggle with food addiction? Your descriptions of these books resonated with me, but not from an alcohol perspective; rather a food perspective. (I'm sure there are books geared for food specifically but I haven't had any recs and felt compelled to ask here.)
Alcohol was never an issue, good or bad, for me, but I completely avoided it when undergoing fertility treatment 30+ years ago and was never compelled to start again. There are so many good reasons not to drink - heath, behavior control, etc. When my son realized he was an alcoholic in his late teens, I became acutely aware of how steeped in our culture alcohol use is. He chose sobriety at 24, and I am so proud of him but I also know that he will forever be vulnerable to societal pressure. You can’t watch a sporting event or go to a music festival without alcohol promotion at every turn. He is fortunate to have a few friends who support his sobriety even though they still drink, but it’s tough to be a sober young adult in our culture and participate in normal activities. Even many pastors cozy up to their congregations by promoting “having a beer” or “meeting up at the local bar.” They are so cool.
I do place a lot of blame on the alcohol industry whose glorified ad campaigns make it seem like drinking is the key to a successful social life and having a good time. Denying them a bit of their profits is enough to keep me from drinking. It is hard to not be resentful.
I appreciate your opening the conversation. All efforts to normalize sobriety can only serve to improve mental health and to make the world a kinder place.
So many thoughts. So much gratitude. For your honesty and shining the light on a really messed up business/ culture. I fully embraced the Mommy Loves Wine culture until I realized just how unhealthy and opposite-of-liberating it was. I did dry January in 2019 and never looked back. So now I’m acutely aware of how much representation alcohol gets- EVERYWHERE- very much including progressive Christian books. It’s truly disheartening. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So much more going through my head right now but I’ll stop here.
My book is coming... but do you know about gray area drinking? https://www.thetemper.com/gray-area-drinking/ 👈a short article I wrote about it in 2018. Also, my 2017 TED talk on gray area drinking https://www.ted.com/talks/jolene_park_gray_area_drinking
Great article Jolene, thank you for sharing your work (and for Sarah letting others share their work on her wall :)
Have you encountered Susie Middleton's writing? She's on Substack as sixburnersue (https://susiemiddleton.substack.com/). I started following her because she lives on Martha's Vineyard and is friends with some of my friends there, and she's a gifted gardener, chef, and cookbook author. AND she's working through her sobriety journey right out there in front of the whole world. I really, really like her work.
I’ve had this Field Note saved in my email so that I could respond…and I’m just now mustering up the courage. I am a wife and a mother in my late 30s answering a call on my life. I know that God is moving me towards ministry, but not specifically sure in what way. It’s been in a “one step at a time” way of revealing it to me. I’ve tried to talk Him out of that strategy, but no such luck. Anyway, sobriety is not my battle. It’s my husbands. Fifteen years ago when we got married we both lived a lifestyle that revolved around alcohol. While it’s changed over the years in its intensity and intention, it still holds a commanding presence in our lives. I know that God is moving me forward, and I truly believe that in order for that to happen something has to give. Is it possible to simultaneously trust God and yet still feel so scared of how much it might cost? I am CONSTANTLY telling myself that my feelings are NOT my truth. My truth is Jesus. Just Jesus. I don’t know how much my comment could add to your research; but in my meager searching I haven’t found a lot of resources for situations like mine. My alcoholic husband isn’t abusive or mean. He’s just selfish. I have zero problem choosing not to drink. I am just constantly in situations I would have never chosen on my own, or around people I used to have things in common with, but don’t anymore. It’s knowing that I am the one that changed in our relationship, and to him I’m a lot less fun than I used to be. It’s being deeply involved in our church for the past 8 years, and barely getting him there on Sunday mornings. It’s being called and on fire, excited about digging into the Bible, learning theology and absolutely devouring all the books I can; yet, receiving little to no support or encouragement. It’s knowing that God is leading me somewhere that I’m not sure he will willingly go.
I’m fully aware that we could desperately use some marital counseling, and it’s definitely in our future; but I wanted to share in hopes that it could add to your research and perspectives.