I entered a church for the first time at age 34. I was named after a four star general and president, was from an alcoholic family and had become one at 14 as a coping mechanism. I entered a well-known recovery program and five years later, still seeking a “God of my understanding” - church was my evolution. I was baptized at 43. Entered seminary in NYC. Was ordained. Called by God and church to be a pastor and have been so for 25 years now. And yet I am still evolving. Relying on an institutional church system to sustain my hero complex was a non-starter according to my recovery program. There is not a church I know of that I would join. And yet God is there as much as God is everywhere. My spirituality does not run on a monorail. Not church. Not recovery. Certainly not me. Not everything living will be so for long. Including archaic church practices and structures. So be it. Amen. But God remains in wonders we perceive as a child points to an acorn, as the child did in your well-written piece.
This!! “It is far from an act of faithlessness; in my experience, folks often find themselves in some sort of deconstruction wilderness precisely because of their faith.”
Thank you for acknowledging that. I spent 40+ years in a box of my childhood faith. I didn’t want to throw God out with the bath water when I started to question everything; I just wanted to throw out the people. If those people only understood that I haven’t lost my faith in deconstruction. But they settle in with their misunderstanding, thinking that I’ve gone odd the deep end and just walked away from my faith and/or God. If they would only listen and hear that my faith has grown deeper than it ever was before. But alas, they do not, and I shall continue to mosey along and become more sure footed as the days go by.
Thank you so much for this. Easter weekend has become such a struggle in recent years and I just don't know how to be anymore. I was reflecting on the ideas of death & resurrection as I lay awake this morning, thinking about where Jesus fits for me now and where I see resurrection hope. Then I opened & read this article and it spoke so loudly to me. Time & time again your written words express what I'm thinking & feeling so clearly and I'm incredibly grateful for your voice in the wilderness. I've just started reading your new book and am excited to journey through it. Thank you 😊
Dear Sarah, your book has been a companion to me and a group of about 10 in my church during this Lenten season. We started meeting the day your book arrived from Amazon to my door. I had only read the first three chapters but was excited to read your book with others. We had our last time together this past Tuesday and ended our time with a mantra --we stood up in our circle and said "I am loved. I belong. I am not alone." Then we said this again with "you..." as we looked at each other. Then when we were finished one woman said "What about we?" So we said this mantra again with we. It was a sacred moment... or groups benediction. I had not had time to read your benediction until this morning. I didn't want to rush through it. I savored it this morning. And it felt like love wrapping itself all around. I am grateful for your love, for being a field guide in the wilderness. A companion on the journey.
And in the end you say "I hope our paths cross again"...I am excited that I'll maybe be meeting you in Chicago in May??? I signed up for the retreat... excited! If I bring my book I hope it's ok to ask you to sign it as a fellow companion in the wilderness.
Thank you for the gift of your journey shared with love.
We are grateful here in Vero beach--community church of Vero Beach.
Thank you. Loved all of this, but especially: "and then raising my head up to see that the day has dawned and somehow, I missed the moment of transformation but here we are anyway"
Every day resurrections. Yes! Long ago, before I started deconstructing church, I went to counseling. The counselor had a poster on her wall. It listed all kinds of emotions. Joy was at the bottom. I felt like I had to dig through all the crappy emotions to get to Joy. Drudgery!! But one day, I was climbing some stairs when I say a little blue flower within a vine. It was a tiny resurrection. It brought me joy! Now I look for those everyday, tiny resurrections. Not just in flowers, but all over!
I'm about to write my first-ever (mini) sermon, and this is basically what I had planned to say so heads up that you will be quoted in it. haha
I entered a church for the first time at age 34. I was named after a four star general and president, was from an alcoholic family and had become one at 14 as a coping mechanism. I entered a well-known recovery program and five years later, still seeking a “God of my understanding” - church was my evolution. I was baptized at 43. Entered seminary in NYC. Was ordained. Called by God and church to be a pastor and have been so for 25 years now. And yet I am still evolving. Relying on an institutional church system to sustain my hero complex was a non-starter according to my recovery program. There is not a church I know of that I would join. And yet God is there as much as God is everywhere. My spirituality does not run on a monorail. Not church. Not recovery. Certainly not me. Not everything living will be so for long. Including archaic church practices and structures. So be it. Amen. But God remains in wonders we perceive as a child points to an acorn, as the child did in your well-written piece.
This!! “It is far from an act of faithlessness; in my experience, folks often find themselves in some sort of deconstruction wilderness precisely because of their faith.”
Thank you for acknowledging that. I spent 40+ years in a box of my childhood faith. I didn’t want to throw God out with the bath water when I started to question everything; I just wanted to throw out the people. If those people only understood that I haven’t lost my faith in deconstruction. But they settle in with their misunderstanding, thinking that I’ve gone odd the deep end and just walked away from my faith and/or God. If they would only listen and hear that my faith has grown deeper than it ever was before. But alas, they do not, and I shall continue to mosey along and become more sure footed as the days go by.
Hmmm… faithfulness vs faithlessness. I like that.
Thank you so much for this. Easter weekend has become such a struggle in recent years and I just don't know how to be anymore. I was reflecting on the ideas of death & resurrection as I lay awake this morning, thinking about where Jesus fits for me now and where I see resurrection hope. Then I opened & read this article and it spoke so loudly to me. Time & time again your written words express what I'm thinking & feeling so clearly and I'm incredibly grateful for your voice in the wilderness. I've just started reading your new book and am excited to journey through it. Thank you 😊
Dear Sarah, your book has been a companion to me and a group of about 10 in my church during this Lenten season. We started meeting the day your book arrived from Amazon to my door. I had only read the first three chapters but was excited to read your book with others. We had our last time together this past Tuesday and ended our time with a mantra --we stood up in our circle and said "I am loved. I belong. I am not alone." Then we said this again with "you..." as we looked at each other. Then when we were finished one woman said "What about we?" So we said this mantra again with we. It was a sacred moment... or groups benediction. I had not had time to read your benediction until this morning. I didn't want to rush through it. I savored it this morning. And it felt like love wrapping itself all around. I am grateful for your love, for being a field guide in the wilderness. A companion on the journey.
And in the end you say "I hope our paths cross again"...I am excited that I'll maybe be meeting you in Chicago in May??? I signed up for the retreat... excited! If I bring my book I hope it's ok to ask you to sign it as a fellow companion in the wilderness.
Thank you for the gift of your journey shared with love.
We are grateful here in Vero beach--community church of Vero Beach.
Peace and light, L
Thank you. Loved all of this, but especially: "and then raising my head up to see that the day has dawned and somehow, I missed the moment of transformation but here we are anyway"
Nerdy health care provider here!
The word “anastasis” can be literally as ana - not, stasis - static or non moving/stagnant/still.
We use the phrase stasis for fluids that aren’t moving around properly in the body.
Not static/stagnant. I love that.
This brings me joy
Looking for and being surprised by resurrection in every day life. This is a lovely and inspiring read. Thank you.
Thanks for the reminder to hold sacred our everyday movements.
Every day resurrections. Yes! Long ago, before I started deconstructing church, I went to counseling. The counselor had a poster on her wall. It listed all kinds of emotions. Joy was at the bottom. I felt like I had to dig through all the crappy emotions to get to Joy. Drudgery!! But one day, I was climbing some stairs when I say a little blue flower within a vine. It was a tiny resurrection. It brought me joy! Now I look for those everyday, tiny resurrections. Not just in flowers, but all over!
lovely and encouraging! Thank you Sarah!